Between late-night “study sessions,” parties, and “break-vember” (the nick-name many college students give the first November of their Freshman year – most high school sweethearts call it quits around this time), successful long distance relationships are few and far between. You’re allowed to mope and feel depressed every once and a while because the love of your life lives half-way across the world. Despite the 6,272 miles between us, I felt so close. It was only almost a month into our honeymoon when we realized something was wrong.
And I’m sure that means a lot of things, but to most of my friends in long distance relationships, it means that if they can survive the distance, they can survive anything. Basically, when you’re in a long distance relationship you can have “off” days. I didn’t think it was possible, but early in my married life, I realized I could spend months living with someone without having a “real” conversation. Somewhere along the road when we started living together, we forgot how to communicate.
But that’s not the whole story, so don’t let it get you too down. That kind of conventional relationship is easy compared to what we had — a long distance relationship.
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder” is one of those obnoxious and inspirational quotes everyone seems to tell couples starting out on their first long distance relationship. It would be a nice sentiment if it wasn’t accompanied by that nagging thought in the back of the speaker’s mind (that they are much too polite to actually say): I give them four months. However, a study in the Journal of Communications has shown that absence might truly make the heart grow fonder and that couples who participate in a healthy long-distance relationship can have more meaningful interactions than couples who see each other daily.
After all, doing the distance for two years while your boyfriend is stationed in California is very different than doing the distance with a German exchange student who is unwilling or unable to move back to the states.
You will have to give up some things to make the distance work.
I’ve written a couple of posts on my blog about surviving a long distance relationship and the comment section of those posts are filled with men and women who are desperate to “win back” their significant other who has been slowly drifting away. One of the first (and most important) things I learned about long distance relationships is that it does not work if both people are not equally committed.You don’t need to have “the marriage talk” with them yet.